Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Randomize
