i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Holy sore nipples Batman
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
