I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
