No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
