I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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