just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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