do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
