She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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