i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
