I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
