I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
God I need to hump something, right now.
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