We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
