I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
