Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
