For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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