cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
