The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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