Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
