ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
