This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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