She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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