On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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