Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
