What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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