well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
