What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
