she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
