never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
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