so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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