Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
