someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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