I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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