I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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