The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And then the night went full on bisexual.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
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