I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
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Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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