I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
