I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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