WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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