hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
