Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize