i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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