I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
