I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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