....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
