I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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