you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Also, beer. Big fan.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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