I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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