i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
