does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
