We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
only you would photoshop your dick
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
