You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
You ruined the universe
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize