Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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