i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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