so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
false alarm, still single
Randomize
