Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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