Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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