so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
