How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
