Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Semen is not good for contacts.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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