I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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