Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
