Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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