Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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