yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
