5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
