In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
