how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.