so that wasnt chicken after all
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.