if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
