Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
